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| Married Life |
A couple had only been married for two weeks. The husband, although very much in love, couldn’t wait to go out on the town and party with his old buddies.
So, he said to his new wife, “Honey, I’ll be right back.” Where are you going, Coochy Coo?” asked the wife.
“I’m going to the bar, Pretty Face. I’m going to have a beer.” The wife said, “You want a beer, my love?” She opened the door to the refrigerator and showed him 25 different kinds of beer, brands from 12 different countries: Germany, Holland, Japan, India, etc.
The husband didn’t know what to do, and the only thing that he could think of saying was, “Yes, Lollipop…but at the bar…you know…they have frozen glasses… ”
He didn’t get to finish the sentence, because the wife interrupted him by saying, “You want a frozen glass, Puppy Face?” She took a huge beer mug out of the freezer, so frozen that she was getting chills just holding it.
The husband, looking a bit pale, said, “Yes, Tootsie Roll, but at the bar they have those hors d’oeuvres that are really delicious…I won’t be long. I’ll be right back. I promise. OK?”
“You want hors d’oeuvres, Poochie h?” She opened the oven and took out 5 dishes of different hors d’oeuvres: chicken wings, pigs in blankets, mushroom caps, and pork strips.
“But my sweet honey…at the bar….you know there’s swearing, dirty words and all that…”
“You want dirty words, Cutie Pie?…”LISTEN UP D*CKHEAD! SIT DOWN, SHUT THE F*CK UP, DRINK YOUR DAMN BEER IN YOUR DAMN FROZEN MUG, AND EAT YOUR F*CKIN’ HORS D’OEUVRES. BECAUSE YOUR MARRIED ASS ISN’T GOING TO A F*CKIN’ BAR! THAT SH*IT IS OVER… GOT IT, AS*HOLE?”
…and they lived happily ever after. |
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| The Search |
A teenager lost a contact lens while playing basketball in his
driveway. After a fruitless search, he told his mother the lens
was no where to be found.
Undaunted, she went outside and in a few minutes returned with the
lens in her hand.
“How did you manage to find it, Mom?” the teenager asked.
“We weren’t looking for the same thing,” she replied. “You were
looking for a small piece of plastic. I was looking for $150.” |
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