An orchestra conductor calls 911, βHelp! My oboe player swallowed his reed! What do I do?β
The 911 operator says, βSimple. Have a muted trumpet cover the part.β
π π π
Adam meets a witch.
The witch tells him: βTell me I am pretty, or you will be cursed!β
Adam: βSorry, but I donβt find you attractive.β
Witch: βTake that back, or you most surely will be cursed!
Adam: βNope. Youβre hideous.β
The witch then transformed him into an ant.
Witch: βLook where your rudeness brought you!β
Adam: βYeah, this sucks, but you still look like a moldy potato.β
Witch: βVery well, then. You will remain in this form until you repent and call me pretty!β
He is still adamant.
π π π
What do you call a meal from the moon?
A satellite dish.
π π π
Why do people ignore filled donuts?
Because they are just full of themselves.
π π π
Sergeant: βI didnβt see you at camouflage training.β
Private: βThank you, sir!β
π π π
Knock! Knock!
βWhoβs there?β
βIce cream.β
βIce cream, who?β
βTobias some nice cold ice cream, you need some money.β
π π π
Remember Dexter, who was going to compete in a marathon dressed as Michael Jackson?
Not sure which race yet.
π π π
My kid has a stuffed alpaca toy.
I call it her Dolly Llama.
π π π
Knock! Knock!
βWhoβs there?β
βJuliet.β
βJuliet, who?β
βJuliet pancakes for breakfast.β
π π π
Why was it difficult for planets to play golf?
They spotted many black holes.
π π π
What happens after you have a beautiful girlfriend, a million-dollar car, 100 million in your bank account, several houses and a fit body?
You wake up.
π π π
How do dogs make sandwiches?
With purebred.
π π π
My crush told me that Iβm pretty.
Well, the whole sentence was βYouβre pretty annoyingβ, but I focus only on the positive things.
π π π
What did the birthday cake say to the ice cream?
Youβre cool!
π π π
Why do blueberries get along with everyone?
Theyβre naturally blue-tiful.
π π π
No thanks, pants! I am working from home today.
π π π
Why was Darth Vader bad at sports?
He always choked.
π π π
Where do sailors go when they feel sick?
The dock-tor.
π π π
How are peanut butter and jelly related?
Theyβre inbred.
π π π
Why do wolves howl at the moon?
Cause they donβt know how to use cell phones.
π π π